In everyday interactions, we often find ourselves, often without realizing it, drawn into an invisible emotional game. Whether trying to control the person we’re talking to, place blame on them, or rush to their rescue, we fall into what is known as the ‘Karpman Drama Triangle.’ This psychological model, once understood, helps us build relationships based not on drama and manipulation, but on principles of freedom and personal responsibility.
Psychologist Stephen Karpman identified three main roles that people tend to adopt in moments of insecurity or when trying to manage an emotional environment. The first is the ‘Victim’—a person in this state feels powerless and actively seeks someone to make decisions for them or save them from difficulties. The second is the ‘Persecutor,’ who shields themselves from their own fears and disappointments through criticism, blame, and controlling others. The third is the ‘Rescuer,’ who tries to solve problems for others—even when they haven’t been asked for help—often at their own expense.
It’s important to understand that these are not fixed personality types, but rather roles we play in different situations. Today you might feel like a victim of circumstances, while tomorrow you could find yourself acting as a persecutor toward someone close to you. As Pilar Conde, psychologist and technical director of the Origen clinic network, notes, this mechanism is triggered automatically when we are unaware of our behavioral patterns. The triangle itself is not inherently bad, but staying within it is highly limiting and drains a lot of emotional energy.
The way out of this exhausting game begins with awareness. If you notice that you’ve taken on everyone else’s problems, it’s worth stopping to ask yourself: did anyone actually ask me for help? When you’re tempted to blame others for all your troubles, it’s useful to consider your own share of responsibility in the situation. And if you feel overwhelmed by helplessness, ask yourself: what specific step can I take right now to change things, without waiting for someone else to save me?
According to Pilar Conde, recognizing your role in the moment is extremely beneficial. The key is to notice in time which position you’ve assumed and reclaim your personal responsibility. This not only helps you focus on solving your own problems, but also gives others the space to handle theirs.
Breaking these destructive patterns has a direct impact on our inner state. Self-esteem and a sense of personal safety are strengthened, as we stop depending on the approval or actions of others. In relationships, this allows us to move to a new level—communicating as equals, with respect, rather than from a place of dependence or a need for control. We learn to make decisions based on our own values and desires, rather than out of fear or the expectations of others.
The specialist offers several practical tools to develop this skill in everyday life. First and foremost, it’s about working on the distribution of responsibility—clearly understanding where your sphere of influence ends and someone else’s begins. It is also necessary to recognize your personal rights and develop assertiveness, that is, the ability to express your thoughts and feelings openly and honestly without attacking your interlocutor or allowing your own boundaries to be violated. It’s impossible to avoid these roles entirely, but learning to quickly recognize and step out of them is the path to building healthier, more balanced, and respectful relationships.
