Is it genuine intimacy, or a cleverly disguised dependence? If you’ve ever put someone on a pedestal, seeing them as your savior, this topic may feel familiar. Perhaps you didn’t even notice when you were truly loved, unable to accept that feeling. True affection would have forced you to look your own fears and inner emptiness in the eye. It’s much easier to become obsessed with someone emotionally unavailable. In this endless chase after a phantom, there’s no time left for self-reflection. It’s an invisible addiction that skillfully masquerades as love, and it’s the subject Spanish writer and entrepreneur Nacho Muñoz Campano explores on his social media.
His journey is anything but ordinary: after leaving the police force, Nacho immersed himself in business and literature, founding several successful brands and publishing books such as “Marketing Without Sugarcoating” and “The Trap of the Supersubconscious.” His direct and straightforward writing style has made him a prominent voice in discussions about life, relationships, and emotions. He offers honest and, at times, unexpected perspectives. One of his latest thoughts, which he shared with his followers, is as follows. He claims there is a form of attachment that is not love. It is an emotional hunger, searching for where it can be satisfied.
According to Nacho, we tend to idealize the object of our passion, turning a blind eye to what we dislike and swallowing our doubts. The other person becomes a project for our salvation. Their smile becomes a remedy, and their gaze—the very confirmation we need for our own existence. Muñoz calls this a distraction, an escape, a way to avoid feeling internal pain. He notes that suffering over someone who doesn’t choose you is easier than asking yourself why you don’t choose yourself. It’s simpler to chase an unattainable ideal than to give yourself the care you so desperately lack.
The author believes this is not about a deep feeling, but rather another way to run from oneself, and points out that we often confuse attachment with a dependence on escape. Genuine relationships, he argues, begin only when a person stops this flight.
What does psychology say about this? Sofia García-Faya, a practicing psychologist, explains that when Nacho talks about ‘hunger,’ he refers to two main attachment styles: avoidant and anxious. The expert describes the differences between them. The avoidant type is typical for those who fear closeness because they are afraid of being hurt. These individuals usually maintain emotional distance and find it hard to trust partners. This behavioral model develops in childhood as a defense mechanism. The anxious type, on the other hand, is typical for those who are constantly seeking love and acceptance, adapting to others and avoiding conflict. Their main fear is being abandoned, and this too is rooted in childhood, when love and attention seemed like something to be earned.
The good news, according to Sofia, is that in adulthood these rigid ‘categories’ turn into more flexible ‘tendencies.’ Our life experience makes us more adaptable. Depending on circumstances and our partner, we may display traits of one type or the other—or sometimes both at once. The psychologist talks about ‘ambivalence’: people with an anxious attachment style may display avoidant behavior as a form of self-protection. For example, they may deeply crave love but suddenly stop replying to messages or become distant. Such behavior can be a desperate strategy of the anxious part of their personality, trying not to lose the person they desire.
In conclusion, Sofía offers two important warnings. First, she points out the danger of categorical statements like “always” and “never,” emphasizing that every case is unique and requires an individual approach. Second, she reminds us of the importance of professional help. Attempting to self-diagnose based on internet posts is pointless; understanding your own history and ways of building relationships is serious work. But one thing is certain: a healthy attitude toward oneself always leads to a more mature feeling and a strong, reliable connection with another person.
