In everyday life, we often encounter behavior that leaves us puzzled: is it simply indifference, a display of selfishness, or something more serious, such as narcissism? While these terms are often used interchangeably, each involves entirely different motives and behavioral patterns. Spanish psychologist, sexologist, and family therapist Nayara Malnero helps clarify these nuances.
The specialist emphasizes that narcissism is not just a personality trait, but a recognized personality disorder. A key feature of such individuals is their inability to recognize the problem. According to Malnero, a true narcissist will never admit to being one, as their condition prevents them from seeing their own limitless selfishness and the ways they manipulate others. Therefore, before labeling someone a narcissist, it is important to understand the difference between this disorder and simply selfish behavior.
The main difference lies in the realm of emotional abuse. While anyone might occasionally act selfishly or display indifference, narcissism involves deliberate and deep manipulation. The therapist explains that a person who has lost interest might simply stop communicating. A narcissist, however, has a different goal — they seek to emotionally suppress and destroy their victim, as they feed on the victim’s suffering.
What does this look like in practice? Rejecting someone is not the same as making them feel worthless. This is where a clear line is drawn. Malnero clarifies that refusing to pay attention to someone is one thing, but making them feel inferior and inadequate because of that rejection is quite another. The line of what is acceptable is crossed where emotional abuse and manipulation begin. Many people may act selfishly or show a lack of interest, but a narcissist is always an emotional abuser, often without even realizing it. From their perspective, the problem will always be with you, not with them.
When someone’s behavior is confusing, it’s important to identify its true nature. Indifference can be hurtful, but it does not carry malicious intent. An egotist, on the other hand, acts without emotional responsibility: they may abruptly cut off communication (ghosting), without caring about the other person’s feelings, since their own interests always come first. But a narcissist goes further—they intentionally aim to break you, because it gives them satisfaction.
Understanding these differences helps develop an effective strategy for self-protection. In the case of someone who simply isn’t interested in you, the advice is clear: you need to distance yourself. The expert insists that you should not hope for change, as people only change if they want to. The first and most important step is to walk away.
It is possible to have a dialogue with an egotist, but with reservations. You can try to explain which of their actions cause you pain and set boundaries. However, long-term relationships with such a person are unlikely to be healthy. In this case, communication may help you express yourself and find closure, after which it is also recommended to cut off contact.
Dealing with a narcissist requires a completely different approach. Nayara Malnero is unequivocal: with this kind of person, it’s not even worth trying to explain anything. They use your rational arguments and emotional experiences as weapons to wound you even more deeply. The only right strategy is to immediately end all contact. Do not provide any fuel for their manipulation. The best defense is short, clear statements with no emotional coloring, for example: «Я ухожу, этот разговор окончен» or «Эти отношения меня больше не интересуют». Any attempts to justify yourself will be used against you.
